hmm part 2

So, anyways. Sambung dari post sebelom ni.

Aku rasa dia masih ingat aku nak dia balik pada aku kot. Actually, perasaan sayang tu masih ade. But, nak balik semula tu tak de la. Sbb dia tak yakin pada aku. So, aku kena la fix diri aku. Aku target nak capai cita2 dalam masa 5-6 tahun lagi. Then, cari la someone special. Yang ni jadi pengajaran pada aku.

Punya la semangat nak belajar dari kesilapan ni. Aku pergi kacau semua orang. Dari situ, aku boleh tau siapa yang boleh percaya, siapa yang tak boleh. Betul aku ada banyak kawan and all. But, bukan semua kawan sebenar. Berapa ramai yang boleh kita pergi kat dia kalau kita ade masalah. Atau, berapa ramai yang tanya kita "what's wrong" kalau kita nampak lain macam?

Anyways, ape yang aku belajar dari kesilapan ni.
Walaupon sekaya mana ko pon, walaupon sebagus mana pesonaliti ko pon, walaupon sehensem mana ko pon. Orang tak pandang ko, kalau ko tak pandai, tak de degree. Boleh kate tak de tempat kat masyarakat.

Hidup kena Independent. Jangan terlalu bergantung harap kepada org terdekat kita (Orang yang kita sayang dan sayang kita). Sebab lama2 diorang fed up dan penat jugak asyik nak support kite. Jangan jadi biawak hidup.

Hidup kena happy, kalau tak happy. Ko tak hidup

COMMUNICATION. Teramat la penting. Communication ni kena la ade diantara 2-2 belah pihak. Kang dia fikir macam ni, ko fikir mcm tu. Sama kes yang terjadi antara aku ngan dia la. Sama2 tak amek effort.

Assurance happiness. Ape tu? kebahagiaan untuk waktu panjang. Benda ni selalu aku fikir, aku nak support anak orang. ape yang patut aku buat? Last2 aku bukak kedai butik. Itu kewangan. Benda lain? pandai pandai la fikir

Unless aku boleh habiskan degree VR dgn 3 pointer ke atas dan juga amek Kpi. Nak uruskan kedai sampai bukak cawangan lain. Aku tak rasa aku ready nak support anak orang. Biarlah aku forever alone (walaupon dah merasa) sampai mati pon. Kawin itu satu tanggungjawab, bukan satu benda yang boleh buat korang bahagia. Sure, bahagia. tapi, kejap je la kalau korang tak mampu nak tanggung anak korang

Aku punya effort skang ni. Nak bunuh diri aku. Bunuh diri? betul ke mamat ni?
Bunuh diri aku maksudkan. Keluar dari comfort zone aku. Bunuh diri aku yang lama, yang tak elok dalam diri dan jadi orang yang baru. Aku tweet "Aku bertekad nak bunuh diri sebab aku tak bagus". Jadi effect lain lak.

Hmm

Terasa nak luahkan. tapi, tak de siapa yang boleh aku luahkan. More of nobody I could trust. So blog, here I go.

Aku dapat pergi challenge cup of asia di india pada march lalu. Malang tak berbau. Aku kena concussion. So, fizikal dan mental aku tak berapa betul. Turun 5 kilo dalam masa 2 minggu. Tak lalu makan. Tak boleh tido dgn baik ape semua. Alhamdulillah. Ade orang support aku. Terutama sekali mak dgn adik.

Masa aku stay kat India. Aku terfikir pasal si dia the whole time aku kat sana. Aku terfikir macam mana nak buat dia happy. Nak manly up. Nak fix yang relation yang terbalik. (Aku mcm perempuan, dia mcm laki) Sbb aku notice every little thing perubahan yang terjadi kat dia. Possessive ke? Rasanya tak kot. More of terlampau sayang, kita tau banyak benda pasal dia.

Aku notice jugak sejak dia masuk intern, perubahan dia ketara sangat. Sampai nak kata aku tak kenal pon ade. Tapi, dia adalah dia.

Anyways, lepas balik dari india. Aku nak tau semua benda yang terjadi. Maybe dari situ dia rasa aku creepy. possessive creepy. Sapa la yang tak nak tau pasal orang kesayangan dia kan?

Tepat 1 hb april. Dia mintak break dgn aku. Aku jadi buntu sbb dia adalah sebahagian dari aku. So, tak de dia, tak de aku. pretty much mcm tu. So, aku menanyakan dia kenapa. Dia cakap, aku selfish, duduk dlm comfort zone, mengongkong dia, tak fikir pasal apa yang akan terjadi masa depan. (Lepas aku mintak nak jumpa dia baru aku tau)(Minta break ikut phone rasa pedih ooooooooo)

Dia cakap kawan la macam biasa jangan relationship define status. Kawan biasa as in? tak cakap langsung? Aku hantar msg, dia cakap aku creepy. O.O Atau kawan biasa as in good friend? aku confuse sbb dia cakap dia masih pedulikan aku.

So, dalam seminggu sampai 9 hb april. Macam mana aku buat. Concussion + Depression. (Mostly ape aku tulis ni suma dia dah tau). Aku tersangat la depress. Aku direct msg (dm) tru tweet, mintak dia jgn lupakan aku, bla bla bla. stalk kat tempat kerja. dari pagi sampai malam. tak de la sampai ke rumah. stalk pon cuma satu hari je. Anyways, dia call aku cakap aku creepy. Itu aku agree.

Hahaa. Anyways, before clash. kitorang ade pergi lunch kat sushi king. Dia cakap laa ade sorang ni nama A la. Sbb mmg nama dia start dgn A. Dia suka kat mamat ni. Tak de la jeles pon. But then, lepas dia cakap "Kalau aku tak kenal si kimi, aku dah tackle ko dah". I was like wtf?

Mamat ni stalker ke? sbb aku mmg tak kenal dia langsung. Then, aku tanya la dia. siapa si A ni. Dalam pertuturan dia, boleh rasa getaran rimas tak tentu arah. So, then aku notice. Dua2 sama suka. Then, masa hantar dia ke tempat intern. Aku tanya dia sayang ke dah. Aku notice lagi, jawapan yang tak yakin. Ok.

So anyways. dia mintak break. Ok la tu. tak kesah sangat. Cuma aku nak berkawan baik je dgn dia. Adakah bunyi macam desperate? Dia baik orangnya. Sbb budi baik dibalas baik. I would kill if someone do bad things to my trusted friend. I would.

Oh btw, dia paranoid aku mai ofis dia. Aku sakai mamat tu ngan kayu hoki. Aku mengagak je. Pfft. takkan la nak pukul. I is gentlemen yo.

Minggu ke-2 ok la sikit kot. Aku try nak bangun balik. Aku kena bangun balik. Walaupon terasa nak cakap ngan dia. tapi, kena bagi dia space.

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

Let's talk a lil bit about my pet cat

When I was in standard 4. I learned to recite Al-Quran from ustazah which I forgot her name (Sorry bout that). She's around 55+ years old at that time. She live around 15min or so from my house to hers. Anyways, one day I want to follow my mom to fetch her home and when I reached her house, I was quite surprised to learn that she keep 20+ cats as her pet.

When I reached home. I decided to have one cat at my home. So, I asked my mom to let me keep a cat as my pet. Green light was given by my mom and I asked my Ustazah to give a cat. Thanks to her kindness I got a cat and was given another cat as a gift. The cat breed if I not mistaken was British long hair (Male) and Burmese (Female).

I wanted to keep the male cat which I named him Nikov and another one I give to my lil sister which she named her pussycat or just pussy. Anyhow, these two cats have contras personalities. Nikov whom I adore has a coward personality. I still remember mom was carrying him to her room and I was hiding behind the door and come out to surprise both of them. Nikov was running miles away before mom could even react to my act. Pussy however has a very courages heart. She chase anyone who comes into her territory including Nikov. They was with me for 5 years from Johor to Terengganu. But sadly when I grow up and went to study at boarding school at Kelantan, they don't recognize my face but somehow they recognize my voice. They still a little scare to come and play with me when I call them. The only time they come without having any fear is only when I call them for dinner.

After 4 years at Terengganu, dad got call from work to move to Selangor. The day when we packing our stuffs, they went missing. We did search them high and low but somehow couldn't find them anywhere. Maybe they just love to stay at that house and decided not to come with us. During those 5 years, Both Nikov and Pussy leave 25 kittens for us to look after. I still remember when she gave birth to her kittens in mom's closet and we have to clean for the blood. When Nikov tries to flirt with another female and got beaten by another males and he litterally running while pooping and hides in the toilet for days. Speaking of that, I still remember when we took both of them to our hometown at Kelantan. It was the trip to go back home to Johor when Pussy snuggle into my lap. I was sleeping that time when she decided to pee on my lap. I was like "WHAAAAA!!!!! How dare you to pee on my lap!!" . After we arrived home, she felt guilty and slept with me to make up with.

At Selangor, mom and me decided to keep another cat as pet. Mom saw an advertisement about cat adopting by an Iranian guy. We went to collect our new cat at a carpet store which is owned by the Iranian guy. He was a cat lover. Before departing with the kitten, He would kiss and hug him until he satisfy. D8 . Anyways, our new cat is a mix of bengal and simese cat (if not mistaken but bengal is confirmed). He looks like any normal orange cat (bcos of the mix) which you could find anywhere but the difference is that his body look tough and firm. He gives a toughness and brave aura. He didn't even cry when we take him home. He was a very very active cat and a very smart cat. He always has something he's up to. But sadly we can only be with him just 8 months. The cat's curiosity has got him killed. He ate poisoned food most probably for rats. We found him laying in front of our house with bleeding nose. His body was perfectly fine without any harm.

Anyways, I'm gonna go to sleep and continue to tell story about my cat in my next post.

Hockey. Ice and Field

Im gonna start with ice first.

Today, I saw me on tv playing hockey. I was like OAO!! "ME ME ME!!" Hahaaa
Although I only appear like 5 or 8 sec but still feels good. :D

The Challenge is canceled because National Team just got back from Astana, Kazakhstan. They want to cool down for a while.

So, basically my deal with mom is called off right?

I can play more hockey! Yay~


As for Field hockey

I've been the president for almost 1 and half year. So, I guess it's time to step down and give to my juniors. XD

Today, supposed to be a friendly match with Intergomb School. But some problem occur, we got to cancel it. Last year the school was in 5th ranking school in Malaysia. Now, they are #2.

Perhaps blog is a good stress reliever?

The title says it all.

Lately, a lot of things happened and I just couldn't keep up with it.

I try my best to suck it up but I guess if you suck it up too much, you gonna get overloaded huh?

Reality hurts. That's what I learn. What we expect to get, doesn't always go according to our way.

I made a deal with my mom the other day. If I can't get selected to play for Challenge Cup of Asia which is somewhere in April. I would quit hockey and for sure I couldn't make into National team. I have a lot of things to catch up.

A lot of things happened. Some I couldn't even tell it.

I'm sorry for my attitude has been very annoying to you lately. I guess all my trouble and problem shows on my face huh? I can't continue to pretend I'm all ok.

I'm sorry again if my words always hurts you and in the end, you get upset for every words I say.

I just wish I could solve all the problem and erase this sadness feeling.

New motherboard?

Last night I got my new motherboard. I working fantastic but then I soon realize my Hard disk drive screwed. arrrghh..!! My memories, My games, My Datas, My assignment!!... >:

Depress... Btw, 3years computer never ever making problems. Motherboards working fine, My Seagate HDD still ok. But... New pc? 1st motherboard I got, the jumper and chipset was damaged. I just don't know how and now both my HDD screwed?

>:

Also, I bought new cooler pad from cooler master. <: and I learned that my Sony Erikson phone pc got burned. Not its lcd. =.=

Surprise attack

Today when I finished my Simulation modelling class. I got text msg which at first I though I got it from my sister using my mom's number. It says "Umi kat wad sekarang, kena heart attack". My heart and my mind went in state of shock. I felt like I could faint at that moment. I quickly call the number and mom answered. I felt relieved. I love my mom so much eventhough I make her dissappoint too much. >: . To be honest, I can't live without my mom. >:

Too much things happened around me. I feel like something bad going on and I feel like I'm the one who make things go wrong.






-I miss a hug from someone dear-