Thursday, April 19, 2012

Progress

From this image to that. From scanned to tablet fixing drawing

Practicing tablet drawing. Need more improvement I guess? We'll see. Off to mandi

A new beginning

Orait!

Pagi ni kawan baik aku msg aku. Awww yeeaaaah. but then, like she said "Don't push it". OTL Happy kejap je hahaa..

Go you! Go you! Do your best! (Boleh bayang tak laki menari pakai pom pom?)



So anyways,

Azam baru and little strict reminder for me?

Everyday, Practise guna tablet dan guna pen utk melukis. Explore, explore, explore!

Today make it better than yesterday!

Your happiness' vibes make other happy as well. So, be happy for yourself for your loves one. Get it? aaaaaannnnnndddd DON'T FAKE IT! They can feel it

Fikir lebih ke hadapan. Apa yang aku nak buat utk hari esok? (Thanks adik)

Jauhkan maksiat! Kalau nak terus maju kehadapan


Cukuplah 5 utk satu hari. Esok 5 lagi. Bak kata pepatah Islam "Kena terus menerus buat sesuatu" -Tak sure sapa cakap

Hmm part 3

So, skang masuk minggu ke-3

Semalam aku dapat bercakap dgn dia. Aku dah regain confident sikit. Dia pon marah aku pasal status aku kat tweeter. Aku actually depress jugak masa aku tweet tu. tapi, pasal benda lain la. Bukan pasal relationship.

Kitorang berborak lama jugak. dari pukul 7.30 sampai 11.30. Alhamdulillah.
Aku langsung tak menaruh harapan nak couple balik dgn dia. Sbb dia takkan happy dgn aku. Dah 2 tahun dia bersabar. Dia cakap, dia ade bgtau. Tapi, tau tau la. Dgn lelaki kena la cakap tegas sikit. Baru lah kitorang sedar.

Anyways, semua benda ade hikmahnya jugak. Aku rasa, kalau aku still dalam comfort zone. aku takkan sedar. So, semua benda macam bom atom jatuh kat aku. Hahaa.

In the end, aku just nak jadi kawan baik dia je la. Tu je la aku harapkan. Tapi, dia cakap "Don't push it". Give more space I think? Maybe dia ingat aku nak dia kembali kat aku? Naaaaaaaah. Tidak langsung mengharap. Sila lah cari orang yang boleh bahagiakan anda (untuk longterm). Sbb aku dah fail dah disitu. Hahaa.

Still, nak jadi kawan baik dia la sbb dia seorang yang baik. Seorang yang aku boleh trust. Like I said before, I would kill if someone do bad things to my good/best friend. Sbb itu la aku sebenarnya. But, kalau dia tak nak jadi rapat macam dulu pon. Hmm.. Baik jangan letak harapan sangat eh? Sebab dia pon tak msg aku dah. Lepas tu, dah tak banyak topik yang boleh bercakap. Sebab macam BUZZ!! Off-limit. Kenot kenot!!

Well, kena berusaha dulu then tawakkal kepada Allah. Kekekee. Tak boleh belah

Hmmm... anyways, hati aku pon dah jadi terbalut dgn something yang tebal dah. Aku dah tak mau cari orang yang special dah. Kalau nak share emotion, cukuplah aku dgn Allah je. Lately, ibadah agak terjaga (Tak boleh cakap nanti tak ikhlas. :D)

Terasa gak forever alone sbb tak de kawan yang aku boleh bercakap. Sbb semua orang bz. takkan nak kacau kot. Adik pulak, dia tido aku bgn. aku bgn dia tido. orang dok uk la kan. Mak, takkan nak bebankan dia dgn masalah aku kan? Ayah? tak rapat lah.


AKU AKAN BANGKIT!! untuk diri aku dan family aku. Ini kira satu tumbukan yang kuat bagi aku. Study btol2, kerja btol2, live my life so that I have no regret. Regret skang ni pon, aku silap tak amek design process VR. Sbb takut ngan Mastura. Sama macam dulu, Design process masa foundation, takut ngan misai che' mat. Hahaa.


Relationship aku ngan dia? Walaupon kata tak berubah, boleh rasa dia nak jauhkan diri dari aku. Malas la nak fikir. Tak ke mana jugak kalau tak move on. Ye tak? Asalkan dia happy, aku happy. Kalau dia sedih, aku sakai benda yang buat dia sedih. LoL *Serious face.

Onward ME!! Do what I suppose to do!!

hmm part 2

So, anyways. Sambung dari post sebelom ni.

Aku rasa dia masih ingat aku nak dia balik pada aku kot. Actually, perasaan sayang tu masih ade. But, nak balik semula tu tak de la. Sbb dia tak yakin pada aku. So, aku kena la fix diri aku. Aku target nak capai cita2 dalam masa 5-6 tahun lagi. Then, cari la someone special. Yang ni jadi pengajaran pada aku.

Punya la semangat nak belajar dari kesilapan ni. Aku pergi kacau semua orang. Dari situ, aku boleh tau siapa yang boleh percaya, siapa yang tak boleh. Betul aku ada banyak kawan and all. But, bukan semua kawan sebenar. Berapa ramai yang boleh kita pergi kat dia kalau kita ade masalah. Atau, berapa ramai yang tanya kita "what's wrong" kalau kita nampak lain macam?

Anyways, ape yang aku belajar dari kesilapan ni.
Walaupon sekaya mana ko pon, walaupon sebagus mana pesonaliti ko pon, walaupon sehensem mana ko pon. Orang tak pandang ko, kalau ko tak pandai, tak de degree. Boleh kate tak de tempat kat masyarakat.

Hidup kena Independent. Jangan terlalu bergantung harap kepada org terdekat kita (Orang yang kita sayang dan sayang kita). Sebab lama2 diorang fed up dan penat jugak asyik nak support kite. Jangan jadi biawak hidup.

Hidup kena happy, kalau tak happy. Ko tak hidup

COMMUNICATION. Teramat la penting. Communication ni kena la ade diantara 2-2 belah pihak. Kang dia fikir macam ni, ko fikir mcm tu. Sama kes yang terjadi antara aku ngan dia la. Sama2 tak amek effort.

Assurance happiness. Ape tu? kebahagiaan untuk waktu panjang. Benda ni selalu aku fikir, aku nak support anak orang. ape yang patut aku buat? Last2 aku bukak kedai butik. Itu kewangan. Benda lain? pandai pandai la fikir

Unless aku boleh habiskan degree VR dgn 3 pointer ke atas dan juga amek Kpi. Nak uruskan kedai sampai bukak cawangan lain. Aku tak rasa aku ready nak support anak orang. Biarlah aku forever alone (walaupon dah merasa) sampai mati pon. Kawin itu satu tanggungjawab, bukan satu benda yang boleh buat korang bahagia. Sure, bahagia. tapi, kejap je la kalau korang tak mampu nak tanggung anak korang

Aku punya effort skang ni. Nak bunuh diri aku. Bunuh diri? betul ke mamat ni?
Bunuh diri aku maksudkan. Keluar dari comfort zone aku. Bunuh diri aku yang lama, yang tak elok dalam diri dan jadi orang yang baru. Aku tweet "Aku bertekad nak bunuh diri sebab aku tak bagus". Jadi effect lain lak.

Hmm

Terasa nak luahkan. tapi, tak de siapa yang boleh aku luahkan. More of nobody I could trust. So blog, here I go.

Aku dapat pergi challenge cup of asia di india pada march lalu. Malang tak berbau. Aku kena concussion. So, fizikal dan mental aku tak berapa betul. Turun 5 kilo dalam masa 2 minggu. Tak lalu makan. Tak boleh tido dgn baik ape semua. Alhamdulillah. Ade orang support aku. Terutama sekali mak dgn adik.

Masa aku stay kat India. Aku terfikir pasal si dia the whole time aku kat sana. Aku terfikir macam mana nak buat dia happy. Nak manly up. Nak fix yang relation yang terbalik. (Aku mcm perempuan, dia mcm laki) Sbb aku notice every little thing perubahan yang terjadi kat dia. Possessive ke? Rasanya tak kot. More of terlampau sayang, kita tau banyak benda pasal dia.

Aku notice jugak sejak dia masuk intern, perubahan dia ketara sangat. Sampai nak kata aku tak kenal pon ade. Tapi, dia adalah dia.

Anyways, lepas balik dari india. Aku nak tau semua benda yang terjadi. Maybe dari situ dia rasa aku creepy. possessive creepy. Sapa la yang tak nak tau pasal orang kesayangan dia kan?

Tepat 1 hb april. Dia mintak break dgn aku. Aku jadi buntu sbb dia adalah sebahagian dari aku. So, tak de dia, tak de aku. pretty much mcm tu. So, aku menanyakan dia kenapa. Dia cakap, aku selfish, duduk dlm comfort zone, mengongkong dia, tak fikir pasal apa yang akan terjadi masa depan. (Lepas aku mintak nak jumpa dia baru aku tau)(Minta break ikut phone rasa pedih ooooooooo)

Dia cakap kawan la macam biasa jangan relationship define status. Kawan biasa as in? tak cakap langsung? Aku hantar msg, dia cakap aku creepy. O.O Atau kawan biasa as in good friend? aku confuse sbb dia cakap dia masih pedulikan aku.

So, dalam seminggu sampai 9 hb april. Macam mana aku buat. Concussion + Depression. (Mostly ape aku tulis ni suma dia dah tau). Aku tersangat la depress. Aku direct msg (dm) tru tweet, mintak dia jgn lupakan aku, bla bla bla. stalk kat tempat kerja. dari pagi sampai malam. tak de la sampai ke rumah. stalk pon cuma satu hari je. Anyways, dia call aku cakap aku creepy. Itu aku agree.

Hahaa. Anyways, before clash. kitorang ade pergi lunch kat sushi king. Dia cakap laa ade sorang ni nama A la. Sbb mmg nama dia start dgn A. Dia suka kat mamat ni. Tak de la jeles pon. But then, lepas dia cakap "Kalau aku tak kenal si kimi, aku dah tackle ko dah". I was like wtf?

Mamat ni stalker ke? sbb aku mmg tak kenal dia langsung. Then, aku tanya la dia. siapa si A ni. Dalam pertuturan dia, boleh rasa getaran rimas tak tentu arah. So, then aku notice. Dua2 sama suka. Then, masa hantar dia ke tempat intern. Aku tanya dia sayang ke dah. Aku notice lagi, jawapan yang tak yakin. Ok.

So anyways. dia mintak break. Ok la tu. tak kesah sangat. Cuma aku nak berkawan baik je dgn dia. Adakah bunyi macam desperate? Dia baik orangnya. Sbb budi baik dibalas baik. I would kill if someone do bad things to my trusted friend. I would.

Oh btw, dia paranoid aku mai ofis dia. Aku sakai mamat tu ngan kayu hoki. Aku mengagak je. Pfft. takkan la nak pukul. I is gentlemen yo.

Minggu ke-2 ok la sikit kot. Aku try nak bangun balik. Aku kena bangun balik. Walaupon terasa nak cakap ngan dia. tapi, kena bagi dia space.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

Let's talk a lil bit about my pet cat

When I was in standard 4. I learned to recite Al-Quran from ustazah which I forgot her name (Sorry bout that). She's around 55+ years old at that time. She live around 15min or so from my house to hers. Anyways, one day I want to follow my mom to fetch her home and when I reached her house, I was quite surprised to learn that she keep 20+ cats as her pet.

When I reached home. I decided to have one cat at my home. So, I asked my mom to let me keep a cat as my pet. Green light was given by my mom and I asked my Ustazah to give a cat. Thanks to her kindness I got a cat and was given another cat as a gift. The cat breed if I not mistaken was British long hair (Male) and Burmese (Female).

I wanted to keep the male cat which I named him Nikov and another one I give to my lil sister which she named her pussycat or just pussy. Anyhow, these two cats have contras personalities. Nikov whom I adore has a coward personality. I still remember mom was carrying him to her room and I was hiding behind the door and come out to surprise both of them. Nikov was running miles away before mom could even react to my act. Pussy however has a very courages heart. She chase anyone who comes into her territory including Nikov. They was with me for 5 years from Johor to Terengganu. But sadly when I grow up and went to study at boarding school at Kelantan, they don't recognize my face but somehow they recognize my voice. They still a little scare to come and play with me when I call them. The only time they come without having any fear is only when I call them for dinner.

After 4 years at Terengganu, dad got call from work to move to Selangor. The day when we packing our stuffs, they went missing. We did search them high and low but somehow couldn't find them anywhere. Maybe they just love to stay at that house and decided not to come with us. During those 5 years, Both Nikov and Pussy leave 25 kittens for us to look after. I still remember when she gave birth to her kittens in mom's closet and we have to clean for the blood. When Nikov tries to flirt with another female and got beaten by another males and he litterally running while pooping and hides in the toilet for days. Speaking of that, I still remember when we took both of them to our hometown at Kelantan. It was the trip to go back home to Johor when Pussy snuggle into my lap. I was sleeping that time when she decided to pee on my lap. I was like "WHAAAAA!!!!! How dare you to pee on my lap!!" . After we arrived home, she felt guilty and slept with me to make up with.

At Selangor, mom and me decided to keep another cat as pet. Mom saw an advertisement about cat adopting by an Iranian guy. We went to collect our new cat at a carpet store which is owned by the Iranian guy. He was a cat lover. Before departing with the kitten, He would kiss and hug him until he satisfy. D8 . Anyways, our new cat is a mix of bengal and simese cat (if not mistaken but bengal is confirmed). He looks like any normal orange cat (bcos of the mix) which you could find anywhere but the difference is that his body look tough and firm. He gives a toughness and brave aura. He didn't even cry when we take him home. He was a very very active cat and a very smart cat. He always has something he's up to. But sadly we can only be with him just 8 months. The cat's curiosity has got him killed. He ate poisoned food most probably for rats. We found him laying in front of our house with bleeding nose. His body was perfectly fine without any harm.

Anyways, I'm gonna go to sleep and continue to tell story about my cat in my next post.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Hockey. Ice and Field

Im gonna start with ice first.

Today, I saw me on tv playing hockey. I was like OAO!! "ME ME ME!!" Hahaaa
Although I only appear like 5 or 8 sec but still feels good. :D

The Challenge is canceled because National Team just got back from Astana, Kazakhstan. They want to cool down for a while.

So, basically my deal with mom is called off right?

I can play more hockey! Yay~


As for Field hockey

I've been the president for almost 1 and half year. So, I guess it's time to step down and give to my juniors. XD

Today, supposed to be a friendly match with Intergomb School. But some problem occur, we got to cancel it. Last year the school was in 5th ranking school in Malaysia. Now, they are #2.