I guess I really don't have anyone which I enjoy to speak anymore. Sigh.
I want to get off twitter and turn to blogging instead because most of my friends already forgot about this blog thing.
Also, I do feel guilty. I cant shake that feeling yet. Since she can read all my tweets. I still think I need to give her more space. Take thing slowly la.
I feel guilty about lots of things with her.
Im not sure should I write it here or not. Sigh.
Let just go to sleep. Shouldn't text her says good night. regretted and feel guilty.
Sigh. Let just wait patiently. Things are not like it used to be.
*Heartbroken*
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Comfort zone
Today during lunch. Mom said "Semua benda ade jangka hayat dia"
Made me think what she said is so true.
Every single thing has it own life span.
Right now. I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. Which is so hard for me. In fact to everyone.
My comfort zone is
1. Every single night I always message her until we fall asleep and would continue tomorrow. It was like a routine for me. Im not sure about her.
I try not to msg her so often as she request me to give her space. It does make me one way a bit depress about it but, what can I do. Gotta respect the request.
2. I want to be successful so bad. I already start to practice what I think would help me to get 3.3. pointer.
3. I try to stuff myself with food. Healthy food I could think of . I need to take care of my own body right?
4. All these changes need to be consistent
5. I need to throw away my old self. I need to move on.
6. I need to adapt fast to these situation soon.
7. Learn live a single life.
8. Need to be independent
Made me think what she said is so true.
Every single thing has it own life span.
Right now. I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. Which is so hard for me. In fact to everyone.
My comfort zone is
1. Every single night I always message her until we fall asleep and would continue tomorrow. It was like a routine for me. Im not sure about her.
I try not to msg her so often as she request me to give her space. It does make me one way a bit depress about it but, what can I do. Gotta respect the request.
2. I want to be successful so bad. I already start to practice what I think would help me to get 3.3. pointer.
3. I try to stuff myself with food. Healthy food I could think of . I need to take care of my own body right?
4. All these changes need to be consistent
5. I need to throw away my old self. I need to move on.
6. I need to adapt fast to these situation soon.
7. Learn live a single life.
8. Need to be independent
Independent
Independent.
What comes to your mind when you hear the word independent?
For me, it is a scary word. Because, all my live I've been depending on someone, anyone I could turn myself to and seek comfort. So, the word independent scares me.
My mom, always take care of me from when I was little until now. She still does it. Until she got fed up and was comforted by my little sister. "Don't mind about him" She said. "Just let him do whatever he wants. Let him be independent"
My hockey career, I'm like a little brother in my team. Which is by the way the National team. They don't think I'm strong enough for someone to rely on me.
My best friend, I've been relying on her too much until she has gotten fed up with me and eventually, might leave me someday.
Independent.
What should I do to be independent?
I ask myself, think and think. I ask someone, everybody I could think of. How to be independent?
From my point of view,
to be independent is to stop relying on other too much and start to be responsible on yourself. Which is my mistake there.
To be responsible,
it has to start with the smallest thing you can do. That is, take care of your body physical and spiritual.
Physical.
Eat, Drink, Sleep, Exercise. It's all the basic need for your body and yet we always take it for granted
Spiritual.
Depends on your religion.
I have to make sure I pray 5 times a day. I must make sure I pray early. That is the basic need.
When these 2 has been taken care of. I can move on to the next level. Which is my attitude and control of myself.
Control of myself.
This is prolly the hardest thing to change in oneself. You need to constantly remind yourself to be better and better each day. Slowly but surely.
What comes to your mind when you hear the word independent?
For me, it is a scary word. Because, all my live I've been depending on someone, anyone I could turn myself to and seek comfort. So, the word independent scares me.
My mom, always take care of me from when I was little until now. She still does it. Until she got fed up and was comforted by my little sister. "Don't mind about him" She said. "Just let him do whatever he wants. Let him be independent"
My hockey career, I'm like a little brother in my team. Which is by the way the National team. They don't think I'm strong enough for someone to rely on me.
My best friend, I've been relying on her too much until she has gotten fed up with me and eventually, might leave me someday.
Independent.
What should I do to be independent?
I ask myself, think and think. I ask someone, everybody I could think of. How to be independent?
From my point of view,
to be independent is to stop relying on other too much and start to be responsible on yourself. Which is my mistake there.
To be responsible,
it has to start with the smallest thing you can do. That is, take care of your body physical and spiritual.
Physical.
Eat, Drink, Sleep, Exercise. It's all the basic need for your body and yet we always take it for granted
Spiritual.
Depends on your religion.
I have to make sure I pray 5 times a day. I must make sure I pray early. That is the basic need.
When these 2 has been taken care of. I can move on to the next level. Which is my attitude and control of myself.
Control of myself.
This is prolly the hardest thing to change in oneself. You need to constantly remind yourself to be better and better each day. Slowly but surely.
Gasp*
I was learning something when I've decide to take a break. Then I saw my post on "Kuiz dalam blog ida"
Dammit it's true. What it says is true. OTL
Dammit it's true. What it says is true. OTL
Progress
From this image to that. From scanned to tablet fixing drawing
Practicing tablet drawing. Need more improvement I guess? We'll see. Off to mandi
A new beginning
Orait!
Pagi ni kawan baik aku msg aku. Awww yeeaaaah. but then, like she said "Don't push it". OTL Happy kejap je hahaa..
Go you! Go you! Do your best! (Boleh bayang tak laki menari pakai pom pom?)
So anyways,
Azam baru and little strict reminder for me?
Everyday, Practise guna tablet dan guna pen utk melukis. Explore, explore, explore!
Today make it better than yesterday!
Your happiness' vibes make other happy as well. So, be happy for yourself for your loves one. Get it? aaaaaannnnnndddd DON'T FAKE IT! They can feel it
Fikir lebih ke hadapan. Apa yang aku nak buat utk hari esok? (Thanks adik)
Jauhkan maksiat! Kalau nak terus maju kehadapan
Cukuplah 5 utk satu hari. Esok 5 lagi. Bak kata pepatah Islam "Kena terus menerus buat sesuatu" -Tak sure sapa cakap
Pagi ni kawan baik aku msg aku. Awww yeeaaaah. but then, like she said "Don't push it". OTL Happy kejap je hahaa..
Go you! Go you! Do your best! (Boleh bayang tak laki menari pakai pom pom?)
So anyways,
Azam baru and little strict reminder for me?
Everyday, Practise guna tablet dan guna pen utk melukis. Explore, explore, explore!
Today make it better than yesterday!
Your happiness' vibes make other happy as well. So, be happy for yourself for your loves one. Get it? aaaaaannnnnndddd DON'T FAKE IT! They can feel it
Fikir lebih ke hadapan. Apa yang aku nak buat utk hari esok? (Thanks adik)
Jauhkan maksiat! Kalau nak terus maju kehadapan
Cukuplah 5 utk satu hari. Esok 5 lagi. Bak kata pepatah Islam "Kena terus menerus buat sesuatu" -Tak sure sapa cakap
Hmm part 3
So, skang masuk minggu ke-3
Semalam aku dapat bercakap dgn dia. Aku dah regain confident sikit. Dia pon marah aku pasal status aku kat tweeter. Aku actually depress jugak masa aku tweet tu. tapi, pasal benda lain la. Bukan pasal relationship.
Kitorang berborak lama jugak. dari pukul 7.30 sampai 11.30. Alhamdulillah.
Aku langsung tak menaruh harapan nak couple balik dgn dia. Sbb dia takkan happy dgn aku. Dah 2 tahun dia bersabar. Dia cakap, dia ade bgtau. Tapi, tau tau la. Dgn lelaki kena la cakap tegas sikit. Baru lah kitorang sedar.
Anyways, semua benda ade hikmahnya jugak. Aku rasa, kalau aku still dalam comfort zone. aku takkan sedar. So, semua benda macam bom atom jatuh kat aku. Hahaa.
In the end, aku just nak jadi kawan baik dia je la. Tu je la aku harapkan. Tapi, dia cakap "Don't push it". Give more space I think? Maybe dia ingat aku nak dia kembali kat aku? Naaaaaaaah. Tidak langsung mengharap. Sila lah cari orang yang boleh bahagiakan anda (untuk longterm). Sbb aku dah fail dah disitu. Hahaa.
Still, nak jadi kawan baik dia la sbb dia seorang yang baik. Seorang yang aku boleh trust. Like I said before, I would kill if someone do bad things to my good/best friend. Sbb itu la aku sebenarnya. But, kalau dia tak nak jadi rapat macam dulu pon. Hmm.. Baik jangan letak harapan sangat eh? Sebab dia pon tak msg aku dah. Lepas tu, dah tak banyak topik yang boleh bercakap. Sebab macam BUZZ!! Off-limit. Kenot kenot!!
Well, kena berusaha dulu then tawakkal kepada Allah. Kekekee. Tak boleh belah
Hmmm... anyways, hati aku pon dah jadi terbalut dgn something yang tebal dah. Aku dah tak mau cari orang yang special dah. Kalau nak share emotion, cukuplah aku dgn Allah je. Lately, ibadah agak terjaga (Tak boleh cakap nanti tak ikhlas. :D)
Terasa gak forever alone sbb tak de kawan yang aku boleh bercakap. Sbb semua orang bz. takkan nak kacau kot. Adik pulak, dia tido aku bgn. aku bgn dia tido. orang dok uk la kan. Mak, takkan nak bebankan dia dgn masalah aku kan? Ayah? tak rapat lah.
AKU AKAN BANGKIT!! untuk diri aku dan family aku. Ini kira satu tumbukan yang kuat bagi aku. Study btol2, kerja btol2, live my life so that I have no regret. Regret skang ni pon, aku silap tak amek design process VR. Sbb takut ngan Mastura. Sama macam dulu, Design process masa foundation, takut ngan misai che' mat. Hahaa.
Relationship aku ngan dia? Walaupon kata tak berubah, boleh rasa dia nak jauhkan diri dari aku. Malas la nak fikir. Tak ke mana jugak kalau tak move on. Ye tak? Asalkan dia happy, aku happy. Kalau dia sedih, aku sakai benda yang buat dia sedih. LoL *Serious face.
Onward ME!! Do what I suppose to do!!
Semalam aku dapat bercakap dgn dia. Aku dah regain confident sikit. Dia pon marah aku pasal status aku kat tweeter. Aku actually depress jugak masa aku tweet tu. tapi, pasal benda lain la. Bukan pasal relationship.
Kitorang berborak lama jugak. dari pukul 7.30 sampai 11.30. Alhamdulillah.
Aku langsung tak menaruh harapan nak couple balik dgn dia. Sbb dia takkan happy dgn aku. Dah 2 tahun dia bersabar. Dia cakap, dia ade bgtau. Tapi, tau tau la. Dgn lelaki kena la cakap tegas sikit. Baru lah kitorang sedar.
Anyways, semua benda ade hikmahnya jugak. Aku rasa, kalau aku still dalam comfort zone. aku takkan sedar. So, semua benda macam bom atom jatuh kat aku. Hahaa.
In the end, aku just nak jadi kawan baik dia je la. Tu je la aku harapkan. Tapi, dia cakap "Don't push it". Give more space I think? Maybe dia ingat aku nak dia kembali kat aku? Naaaaaaaah. Tidak langsung mengharap. Sila lah cari orang yang boleh bahagiakan anda (untuk longterm). Sbb aku dah fail dah disitu. Hahaa.
Still, nak jadi kawan baik dia la sbb dia seorang yang baik. Seorang yang aku boleh trust. Like I said before, I would kill if someone do bad things to my good/best friend. Sbb itu la aku sebenarnya. But, kalau dia tak nak jadi rapat macam dulu pon. Hmm.. Baik jangan letak harapan sangat eh? Sebab dia pon tak msg aku dah. Lepas tu, dah tak banyak topik yang boleh bercakap. Sebab macam BUZZ!! Off-limit. Kenot kenot!!
Well, kena berusaha dulu then tawakkal kepada Allah. Kekekee. Tak boleh belah
Hmmm... anyways, hati aku pon dah jadi terbalut dgn something yang tebal dah. Aku dah tak mau cari orang yang special dah. Kalau nak share emotion, cukuplah aku dgn Allah je. Lately, ibadah agak terjaga (Tak boleh cakap nanti tak ikhlas. :D)
Terasa gak forever alone sbb tak de kawan yang aku boleh bercakap. Sbb semua orang bz. takkan nak kacau kot. Adik pulak, dia tido aku bgn. aku bgn dia tido. orang dok uk la kan. Mak, takkan nak bebankan dia dgn masalah aku kan? Ayah? tak rapat lah.
AKU AKAN BANGKIT!! untuk diri aku dan family aku. Ini kira satu tumbukan yang kuat bagi aku. Study btol2, kerja btol2, live my life so that I have no regret. Regret skang ni pon, aku silap tak amek design process VR. Sbb takut ngan Mastura. Sama macam dulu, Design process masa foundation, takut ngan misai che' mat. Hahaa.
Relationship aku ngan dia? Walaupon kata tak berubah, boleh rasa dia nak jauhkan diri dari aku. Malas la nak fikir. Tak ke mana jugak kalau tak move on. Ye tak? Asalkan dia happy, aku happy. Kalau dia sedih, aku sakai benda yang buat dia sedih. LoL *Serious face.
Onward ME!! Do what I suppose to do!!
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